


Not about angels.

by Shadows_of_The_Night11



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/F, Mentions of the BAU team, No WIlliam at all, Set somewhere on s13, Torture, but going into it at the end of the fic, explicit violence, pre-Jemily, present and past members, so JJ isn't married and has no kids, that's what the E rating is about
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-12 01:19:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17457854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadows_of_The_Night11/pseuds/Shadows_of_The_Night11
Summary: When JJ goes missing, the only person to notice immediately is Emily. But everything is part of the plan. The BAU can't save everyone, and no matter how hard they try, this time they can't save each other.





	1. Falling.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Panther_of_Shadows03](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panther_of_Shadows03/gifts).



> You know what this is. I hope is good enough to meet your standards.

It was impossible to know how long she had been there. Time didn’t seem to pass when the darkness remained unperturbed. Maybe just a couple of hours had passed. Maybe a couple of days, if she wanted to think about an extreme situation. Otherwise, she would have been dying of thirst by then.

She wasn’t foreign to being captured. To be honest, every member of the team had faced an unsub with more nerve than the general public. They faced death almost on a daily basis, and although it never was something easy, it was considered a part of the job. If they had to risk their lives to protect innocent people from dying in quite grotesque ways, then so be it.

However, as JJ lied down in the cold concrete, the whole situation felt different.

There was nothing covering her eyes, but she couldn’t see her hand even if she held it in front of her face. She wasn’t able to move although there were no restraints holding her down. She could easily find her way out under normal circumstances. But that was the point. She wasn’t able to.

JJ knew how power plays worked. This was no different. At least, not in essence.

Whoever was behind this scheme didn’t want to control JJ as much as the environment. The lack of a blindfold was nothing but a blatant mockery. There was no source of light anywhere; not even under the door or through the cracks of whatever could be an exit. The room had no windows. Even when blue eyes adapted to the darkness, the room didn’t seem less empty.

The only thing that JJ could make out was the dimension of her prison. It was a large room; a little too big to keep a person, and only one, inside.

Her head was throbbing and the blood emanating from her temple wasn’t dry yet. Her body felt heavy; unable to follow the hazy commands of her mind. Trying to take a step sent her to the floor without reflexes to stop her head banging against the concrete. Thankfully, the wound wasn’t too bad even if a headache was unavoidable.

The uncertainty bored into her body; clawed at her skin and went bone-deep until it was replaced with fear.

JJ had no doubt the team would find her, but she wondered if they would do so while she was still alive.

Time went on; the dripping water perfectly harmonizing with her heartbeat. Her eyes were focused into the darkness; staring into a void she couldn’t name, or it would swallow her whole.

It would have been easy to give up: close her eyes and wait for death. But JJ didn’t make her way into the FBI or the BAU by giving up. She didn’t survive time and time again just to die in a pitch black room. She learned how to grow a thicker skin. Perhaps it wouldn’t help her survive a bullet, but she wasn’t about to sink into a pit of regrets and remorse. In such a position, JJ had to be better than fear.

She had to fight to see García again and give her that ridiculous pink unicorn cup JJ found in a little store.

She had to make it out of there to see Reid again, so he could know his favorite book was at her place. JJ knew he forgot it on purpose. He needed an excuse to visit again soon. No matter how many times she told him his presence was always welcomed, Reid could feel awkward when seeking their company. It had been like that since the day they met.

There were many things left to do; like going to Jack’s final soccer match with Hotch. She had to learn that ravioli recipe from Rossi. Spend Christmas at Derek’s. And have one of those deep conversations with Emily while they shared a bottle of wine. She had to talk with the brunette and perhaps stop being so scared of the truth.

Just a small smile started forming on her lips, the thunderous sound of an opening door broke the silence.  Her happy bubble burst although nothing else changed. The darkness prevailed.

Jennifer didn’t have a chance to try and escape before the door closed once again.

Two sets of footsteps moved through the room until they finally stopped at the middle, at least that’s what Jennifer thought based solely on sound.

“My team will find you, and there will be hell to pay.” A voice said.

JJ’s brain was still slightly fogged, but she knew that voice. It was hard to place it since everything felt like a bizarre dream. Still, she fought to gain a better focus as the conversation unfolded in front of her.

“The question isn’t whether they’ll find you or not, but how fast they can do it.”

“Let me go, and maybe I won’t hurt you too badly.”

 _Emily_.

“You can go in a hot minute, dear,” the unsub said with a sickeningly sweet voice. “But I’m sure I have something you want.”


	2. Hell.

The sound of chains could be heard before Emily groaned in pain. JJ wanted to call her name. She wanted to tell Emily of her presence, but her throat was too dry and her lips wouldn’t cooperate either.

Then, footsteps could be heard again; closing on JJ with unmistaken precision. It seemed rather obvious that whoever their captor was, he was wearing a night vision device. This was more than a simple power play. The overwhelming darkness wasn’t a coincidence. Every single aspect was planned, and that made their unsub organized.

That spoke volumes of their personality, but discovering their identity didn’t help them at the moment.

JJ did her best to get on her feet as she was roughly pulled by the back of her shirt. Her body felt heavy and any possibility of fighting was simply non-existing. The hand on her back guided her through the darkness until she was unceremoniously shoved into a metal chair. Her arms were yanked backwards, and ropes held her hands in place behind her back.

That didn’t make sense.

The unsub used chains to restrain Emily, why use a different material for her?

A grunt left her lips when the rope dug into her skin. A sharp intake of air followed like an echo of her expression of pain and blue eyes tried to find the source in the darkness. Even when the distance between them was exponentially less than it was a minute ago, they couldn’t see each other.

Of course, that didn’t stop them from simply _knowing_.

“JJ?”

The question was softer; almost vulnerable, and Emily certainly didn’t want to believe the blonde was there as well. She didn’t want to believe Jennifer was in a dire situation, and she didn’t have a way to help her.

“Now, that didn’t take long to figure out, did it?”

“Let her go!” Emily almost growled.

“Changing demands already? Come on, Agent Prentiss. Don’t be a spoilsport.”

The unsub walked away from them although he didn’t plan to leave them there. His steps took him to the opposite side of the room instead of going for the door.

There was a flicker and a moment later the room was bathed with bright fluorescent light. It was just as blinding as the darkness and both women had to close their eyes for a second; blinking slowly until the room came into focus.

Seeing Emily there, standing as tall as she was; with chains keeping her arms above her head and her feet wide apart was like entering a horror movie. Monsters were real; they were part of the job when their actions were analyzed. But that particular moment became surreal.

JJ couldn’t even remember how she got knocked down and thrown into that room. With her legs firmly tied to the chair, there was no way she could have walked into a different dimension. But it felt like she just did.

It had to be a nightmare, but no matter how hard she tried, there was no way to wake up.

Schooling her features was easy. JJ had done it a million times before. She did it while talking an unsub down, reassuring victims even in the hardest moments of a case and on a daily basis while talking to the press. She learned how to do so since she was a media liaison and nothing else. She knew how to do it and became a perfectionist of the art.

It was impossible to hide the horror in blue eyes when Emily was there. Both were in the same helpless position.

Honestly, there was no limit to the things Jennifer would and had done to ensure Emily’s safety. But with her hands trapped and her whole body feeling the after-effects of the drugs, she couldn’t do anything but stare.

It was no hardship to lie to an entire team of profilers for months just to give Emily a chance against Doyle. She lied to a team of the best lie detectors without missing a beat. She did so with the same ease a murderer takes another life. And JJ knew the smallest mistake could give her away. That was something she couldn’t and wouldn’t allow.

She didn’t.

While faced with an unknown destiny in what felt like a lifetime ago; lying in the floor of that very same room, Jennifer surely wished to see Emily’s face one more time. In those dark moments, she dared to day-dream with those piercing eyes. But she waited to be rescued, to see Emily and the rest of the team following suit like the last time she was kidnapped.

JJ didn’t expect this. She didn’t want things to go like this.

The shock wore off rather quickly and was replaced by anger even faster.

“What do you want?” JJ whispered, voice hoarse and lungs burning with the effort.

“I want to have fun, ladies.  And the fun is about to start.”

“What? You grew tired of prostitutes?” Emily said with an amused inflection in her voice.

“Oh, no, no. Not that kind of fun, Agent Prentiss. I don’t need a hooker when this is going to be so much better.”

The room didn’t change a lot with the lights on. It was just as empty as Jennifer imagined; with the dripping faucet in a corner.  The walls were plain white with no windows. The door on a side of the room was the only visible exit; probably the only one.  That was all of it in a nutshell, and none of it offered them hope.

The unsub wasn’t wearing a mask; either unafraid of being caught or with no intention of leaving that place alive. Whatever the reason, he was too organized to do such a reckless thing without a card under his sleeve.

It wasn’t a good sign.

“Agent Prentiss, you’re free to leave now. If that’s what you really want.”

For starters, it wasn’t like Emily could move while chained to the ceiling. Even then, why would someone kidnap her just to let her go without hurting them or asking for something in return? She didn’t buy it, and neither did JJ.

“I’ll take the chains off and guide you outside. You can call your team, try to kill me or whatever you want to do. Maybe simply go away and have a happy life. I certainly don’t care. Of course, things aren’t that easy.”

He took a gun from the back of his pants; pressed it against JJ’s temple and took the lock off.

“If you leave, your friend here dies. Simple as that. Of course, I wouldn’t kill her in front of you. You don’t have a single reason to trust me, and I don’t expect you to. Besides, it wouldn’t take me long to escort you out before finishing this business. It would be great to see how those beautiful blue eyes search for you in the darkness until that sweet final moment comes. Do you think they’d fill with resignation because she knows you won’t come back to save her?”

“Is that what you get from this? A God complex?”

“I’m not playing to be God. I don’t decide who lives and who dies. You do. So, what is it going to be, Agent? Do you still want to leave? No hard feelings, I hope. Maybe you could be back in time to scrap her brain from the floor.”

“That’s not happening.”

“Well, well…if you say so,” he replied with a dark chuckle.

The gun was moved away from JJ’s temple as he walked away. He moved behind the blonde before coming back between them. He played with the gun; changing it from hand to hand as he seemed to gloat in that moment. He was having fun if the smirk on his face was anything to go by, but there was a clarity in his eyes that was unsettling.

As much as he claimed the situation was nothing but a game, he took things rather seriously.

“Alright! It wouldn’t be fair to offer such a juicy deal just to the unit chief. People would think I’m biased, and we can’t have that. So, Agent Jennifer Jareau, what do you say? Do you want to take the deal with the same conditions?”

There was a quick retort at the tip of Jennifer’s tongue. She was ready to deny the offer and tell this annoying dude to shove further “juicy deals” where the Sun would never shine.

“JJ,” Emily called softly.

JJ knew that tone. It was full unit chief tone; the one Emily used when she gave orders and the blonde already knew what she would hear. But Emily had to be completely out of her mind to even consider JJ leaving her behind.

“No! You don’t get to order me that. There are no guarantees either of us will make it out alive. Why do you even contemplate playing his game? I’m not leaving you behind. Don’t you even dare to look at me like that. Like you expect something different from me. I’m not falling for it. And I know you aren’t either.”

“Interesting,” he said. “It’s good to know you care as much for her as she does for you. It’s almost touching. I mean, she came back from London to save your life. That’s a big gesture. I don’t know. Some would even say it’s romantic.”

“How do you know that?” JJ asked warily.

“Who are you?” Emily questioned with her suspicion growing.

“My name is irrelevant at this point, but I guess you can call me Mike. And I know everything about your team, Agents. Every single detail of your lives has been analyzed and pulled apart. It’s been like that for years. Working on a master plan takes time and effort. But we’re finally here! Isn’t it exciting?”

“It can’t be that good of a plan if you got two women as your victims. If you want to be intimidating you’re not doing a good job. You seem a little weak to me, to be honest.” Emily pointed out with a bored tone.

The woman was smart and clever enough to earn her spot as unit chief. She knew how to play unsubs; get under their skin and make them lose control. However, her current situation wasn’t ordinary. Her words only managed to give her Mike’s undivided attention.

“Perhaps I didn’t express myself correctly, Agent Prentiss. I know _everything_ about your team. I know that bringing Penelope García and Spencer Reid would have been easier, but they’re replaceable. You could ask Kevin for help. You could seek the brilliant mind of Agent Blake to give you whatever insight you need. True enough, they’re valuable players in your chess board, but they aren’t Royalty. Taking them down doesn’t stop the Queen from being the key piece on the board. Taking them down doesn’t grant me a checkmate. You do.”

Mike smiled dangerously as he paced the room. Several seconds passed as he allowed the weight of his words to settle in the room. He didn’t take them because they were the easy targets but the exact opposite. The only way to become better than the rest was by defeating the best, and he had done so.

In that moment they were powerless, and he circled them like a depredator would do with a prey.

“Emily Prentiss, you don’t have many weaknesses. No close friends after Doyle. No pets after Sergio. But you came from London to save one person. You used your Interpol power to find her, and I have no doubt you would do so again. She’s your weak spot. I’m pretty sure everyone knows that already.”

Then, his sharp eyes left Emily to focus on the third person in the room.

“And how could I forget about exceptional Agent Jareau? You came up with the plan to fake Emily’s death, didn’t you? A little sloppy on your trip to Paris if you ask me. It was a clever plan nonetheless, and no one could expect you to leave such a great friend behind without some sort of reassurance. Bravo! Apparently, the fire within you grows stronger whenever Prentiss is involved. Now, that’s what I call an interesting dynamic.”

The shred of danger disappeared from his smile although not from his eyes. Running a hand through dirty blond hair, Mike seemed to consider his next step. His green eyes alternated constantly between his hostages; considering who would be his first victim.

“Why are you doing this? And cut the crap about having fun,” Emily said eyeing him carefully.

“That snark is the reason, Agent Prentiss,” Mike answered pointing at her. “The air of superiority around the BAU as you parade the streets. It doesn’t matter if your mistakes have caused pain to others; almost everyone thinks you’re invincible. You’ve been proved wrong so many times before, but you still think no one can beat you. That hasn’t changed even after every single member of your team has suffered.”

“Oh, I get it. Someone left you in the friendzone, didn’t give you enough attention, didn’t see you, so this is your way to prove you’re the Alpha wolf.”

“There you go again, Agent Jareau; making assumptions. What are you going to say next? I’m a narcissist. I want to prove how smart I am. I want the world to see me as someone worthy of admiration. I want people to remember me, to see my face on the news and become a legend. I want to make you pay for every terrible thing you’ve done to me.” Mike said with a mocking tone while using his hand to express his disdain. “To be honest, I don’t need to prove how smart I am, and you didn’t hurt me. If I had to put it in words myself, I would say I’m just a sadist. We’re here so I can enjoy breaking your egos, that sense of confidence all of you portray, and make everyone see the truth.”

This was a big mess. No member of the B.A.U. felt invincible. They didn’t consider such thing as possible. They had suffered at the hands of many. They had cried for loved ones and mourned those that left without saying goodbye. They weren’t heroes. They couldn’t save everyone, but they tried.

They had to.

Obviously, Mike had a different idea. He was unwilling to listen to their arguments as his conception of the world was tainted by his beliefs. If he knew as much as he claimed about them, then those ideas had been harvested for a long time. Changing them wasn’t possible. Talking to him would be no help.

“You decided to make your point clear through us because…?” JJ questioned him.

“Because it’s the only way you’ll understand.”

“Understand what?”

“You can’t win this time.”

He looked at Emily, stared into her eyes like he somehow had the ability to read her mind; look into her soul, and discover even her deepest secret. It was crazy, but so was he.

“You two are the strongest members of the B.A.U. without a doubt. One of you survived death,” he said while still looking at Emily. “And one of you overcame life. Let’s see how well you handle Hell.”


	3. High water.

Mike’s pleased smile turned into a cruel smirk. His attention was drawn to Emily no matter how much he said they were there to learn a lesson. If he didn’t have any sort of revenge against the unit chief, then he certainly had a fixation. Perhaps he was a sexual sadist with a preference for brunettes.

Maybe JJ’s presence there was only to use it against Emily. After all, he knew about their bond, their friendship and perhaps a little more than either woman was willing to admit.

“Has she seen your scars, Prentiss? I bet not. I bet she hasn’t seen your tattoos either. Are you trying to protect her? Or are you trying to protect yourself? I’m sure you still see them. Even if they’re covered by all that ink, you still see everything he did. You feel the phantom pain of his actions, and want to keep all that pain for yourself. It’s easier like that. It’s not a secret that you’re good compartmentalizing. Let’s see just how good.”

“Leave her alone!” JJ shouted.

“Oh, Jennifer. I’m doing this for you. Hurting Emily Prentiss wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t here. I’m sure you know several ways of torture.  With that in mind, it won’t be that hard to identify what comes next. But for now, enjoy the show.”

Without hesitation, Mike unbuttoned Emily’s shirt.

Her skin looked extremely pale under the scarce light. Her warm eyes seemed distant, and she refused to meet JJ’s. The shame was painfully obvious. The scars left by Doyle still present; faint as they were under the ink, but every time Emily looked into the mirror, the memories came back.

She could feel him again; the roughness of his hands and the warmth of his breath against her cheek while he called for Lauren. It was impossible to forget when she saw the damage he inflicted on her body.

“Look at that, Jareau. A blackbird. You must be really important.”

It fell wrong to stare when Emily hadn’t consented to any of it. This was nothing but a twisted scenario set by a madman. Their only hope was to be found by the rest of the team. But even if they survived, there was no way to know what kind of scars they would have after leaving that room.

“Before our fun starts, excuse me for just a minute.”

Mike left without looking back. He wasn’t scared of the possibilities, not even worried they would try to escape. Emily’s chains gave her no leverage to try anything and JJ’s ropes cut into her skin as she tried to pull free. His steps echoed for an instant before silence became deafening again.

“I’m going to make sure you get out of here.”

“For the record,” JJ said cutting in, “I’m not leaving you behind.”

They had no time for a conversation long overdue. There was no time for useless guilt or yearning for something different. But that was the thing with them; words weren’t needed to express what they wanted. A soft touch here and there was enough. An exchanged look across the room brought them closer, and by the end of every mission, they knew there was nothing they wouldn’t do for each other.

Getting an Interpol jet, faking someone’s death, keeping a secret, leaving an important mission to engage on a rescue; none of it was a big deal. Everything was done without a second thought. Everything had been for Emily.

Traveling half across the world, use even the last resource to get information and receiving a code word; something only she could decode, meant Emily had no hesitation to die, to risk it all for JJ.

“Do you think that’s his game?” JJ asked; her throat sore. “Make us watch each other die?”

“You’re not dying today,” Emily replied with just a hint of frustration.

Perhaps no one else would even notice, but JJ had learned the complex language Emily used all the time.

“She’s not wrong, Agent Jareau. Today is not your day. Sadly, the same can’t be said for Prentiss. I mean, I need her alive, but everything can happen in this room.”

“Don’t touch her.”

“I don’t have to.”

Mike seemed to be enjoying the moment, but he didn’t let euphoria cloud his judgment.

There was no doubt he had waited long for this opportunity. He was in no rush now. He didn’t want to ruin it after years of hard work. Every detail matched the picture on the box, and he wouldn’t be the one breathing too closely to a castle made of cards.

“A life on the field must leave plenty of scars. I bet both of you remember most of them. Maybe some are faded by now, and yet scars aren’t always just physical. Honestly, working for the B.A.U. sounds like a safer option than working for almost any other unit. But let’s be honest; it has taken a toll on you. The entire team has suffered. Look at Aaron!”

The almost gleeful expression on his face made him look like a madman. For a moment, both women considered the possibility of Mike having multiple personalities. Alas, it wasn’t the case.

“It’s such a pity he’s just a cheap replica. Isn’t that what the Reaper tried to do? Clone his masterpiece? If you think about it, his work is impressive.  When you reach that point with your own body, nothing can top it. Not even a perfect copy.”

Closing the door behind him, Mike approached Emily with a duffel bag in hand. It hit the ground forcefully as he dropped it to rummage its contents. Instead of rising back to his feet immediately, he seemed to take in every detail of Emily’s face. He took a moment to admire the fierceness in her eyes, the nonchalant expression and the sneer barely showing on her lips. He also wondered how fast he could wipe it all away.

His position gave him a new angle to admire his white canvas; waiting to be broken once again.

“You aren’t a masterpiece yet, Emily. You’re a collection of pieces; fragments of different lives spent in misery. I’ll give you that last piece; the one to hold the puzzle together. You’ll be my masterpiece. Now, don’t move. After all, we want the world to see you.”

True to his words, Mike didn’t touch her. His fingers weren’t in contact with her skin, but that didn’t stop the sharp edge of a knife from slicing her flesh.

Emily was strong, stronger than most, and not a single sound made it past lips. However, she was a woman in constant need of control; always balancing the different parts of her life to keep a fragile equilibrium. Years on the field taught her how to make herself as invulnerable as possible; even then, she wasn’t infallible.

There was nowhere to hide as the knife shone with the crimson of her blood. Nothing could shield her from JJ’s gaze; so desperate already and aching to do everything she couldn’t.  Her blood felt hot as it followed the lines of her blackbird tattoo; tracing a sketch left behind by Doyle, before falling to the ground along the many barriers Emily built up to protect herself. Each drop lowered another barrier, until Emily felt bare and vulnerable like she never did before.

That was only the beginning, but it was enough for Emily to feel hopelessness creeping into her bones.

She fought a thousand battles against her own mind after Doyle’s death. She fought the phantom of his presence just to feel alive again. A single cut; a swift movement of the knife was enough to unleash every memory she tried to forget.

The pain wasn’t enough to break her resolution. Her expression didn’t waver, didn’t show a single sign of agony, as she drew strength from JJ. Maybe they were really in Hell, but there was some sort of comfort knowing she wasn’t alone.

The next cut brought her closer to death if only by remembrance.

Her victory while facing oblivion became just another bleeding line; not deep enough to threaten her life but enough to remind her of every moment of darkness and despair. Perhaps that was the worst outcome given the situation. The gleeful glint on Mike’s eyes seemed to mock her, to ask her if living; _surviving_ , had been worth it.

It was then that Emily couldn’t look at JJ anymore.

She couldn’t answer that silent question truthfully. She couldn’t speak of every moment she was grateful to be alive if it meant seeing Jennifer again. She couldn’t tell about the sigh of relief every time she saw the “cheeto breath” username on her screen, the only reminder she wasn’t alone.

Emily couldn’t say how happy she was at the B.A.U. after the coldness of Paris. She loved the city, the lights and what was a fresh start back then, but she missed her team. She missed her family.  That’s why London was a scary experience. She walked towards it.

After all, Emily Prentiss was used to acting guided by logic rather than a simple emotional reaction. She was a good leader, always thinking three steps ahead of the rest. Her sarcasm was a powerful weapon, and she had no fear using it to her advantage. Under the right circumstances, she was just as clever as Reid.

Most of the time her sass was nothing more than an elaborated façade to protect herself. If she didn’t get too involved, then there were fewer risks. That was the plan when she got into the B.A.U. It was obvious how no one really trusted her; except for JJ, and perhaps that helped her to build walls. She proved her worth on the field but didn’t involve a lot out of it.

It didn’t last.

The entire team wormed their way into her heart, and soon enough people could see the holes on her façade.

Hotch was an excellent profiler, perhaps the first one to understand her need for distance after the incident with Doyle. He talked to her, but her decision was final and he didn’t try to change it. Maybe Derek was able to see through the blatant lie, and yet, he offered her an easy way out.

They became like siblings, bickering and mocking each other playfully. At the end of the day, they were next to each other through every hard step. Perhaps, Derek didn’t agree with everyone when his point of view was conflicted, but he was able to do the right thing.

Emily got his back, and apparently, he did so too.

No one could really blame her for leaving. After all, the B.A.U. had a dangerous relationship when it came to loved ones. The risk was even higher when love and work entwined so deeply.

Distance didn’t make her feelings for the blonde disappear. They never faltered. Coming back to the team seemed like the right thing to do after her time in London. It _felt_ right. Perhaps she was still in love with JJ. Maybe time and distance weren’t enough to erase the memory of the blonde, but maybe they were enough to grant her a new perspective.

They weren’t.

After years of being apart, coming back to the B.A.U. meant coming back to Jennifer. One look into those deep blue eyes and Emily was just as lost as she had been before. However, she had a different role. The whole team was different although the dynamics didn’t change that much.

Truthfully, a part of her believed JJ deserved better.

Better than someone that would get too scared of her own feelings and would run to the other side of the planet. JJ deserved better than someone that was too good at compartmentalizing to reach into her feelings with ease. JJ deserved better than someone with a past mostly covered by the “classified” label. And yes, JJ deserved more than a bizarre collection of ink and scars.

Not like they mattered anymore as every single flaw was blatantly exposed for the blonde to see.

A new trail of blood ran from her shoulder. The unexpectedness of the act made her flinch; she was too lost in her own thoughts to even notice the moment Mike pushed the knife against her skin. Her defiant look didn’t waver as she glared at the man.

From all the enemies she had faced through the years, he wasn’t the worst, and she refused to be intimidated by some white dude with a God complex.

He was smart, but the cockiness only made her want to slap his stupid smirk off.

“You should have stayed in London,” he said when their eyes met.

“And you should have stayed in your father’s ball sack, but here we are.”

The comment made JJ chuckle; as if they were on some bar throwing all the dudes off with sassy remarks, but she tried to cover it with a forced cough. The downside of the action was actually looking at Emily. Without a warning, without a second to reconsider her movement, JJ faced the image of her friend being torn to pieces one cut at a time.

The shadows of the past came to life with the fluorescent light of the room.

The rivers of blood painted a new map on pale skin while blue eyes filled with an unknown emotion. Even if the blonde wanted, she couldn’t look away from the crimson lines. It was a moment of morbid fascination; the realization of just how screwed they were mixed with the horror of watching Emily _bleed_.

Jennifer Jareau wasn’t one for pity. She was always ready to help, to give a hand to those that needed her and always willing to _listen_. That helped the B.A.U. close a case more than once. She was a master of comfort since her days as a media liaison, and that vein stayed like that when she became a profiler. JJ grew into her profiler role, forced to learn but ready to adapt.

Pain taught her a valuable lesson although her inner demons never disappeared.

JJ wanted to help, and pity never helped anyone.

No, that wasn’t it.

However, the glint on JJ’s eyes spoke of pain and remorse; like somehow the whole situation was her fault.

Emily wanted to offer some kind of comfort but her lips were sealed shut to avoid making a noise when the knife cut her skin again.

Mike dragged the blade slowly, making sure not to go too deep. He wanted her to feel the sting, the sensation of pain growing slowly as the wound opened and blood made a slow path down. He guided it with the edge of the blade; giving small direction while allowing gravity to do the rest.

Every scar became back to life although the bleeding wouldn’t kill her anytime soon.

Mike seemed almost anxious as he rummaged inside the duffel bag once again. He was enjoying every second, but his anticipation for the next step of his plan was consuming him whole. The cruel smirk was back on his lips as his fingers closed around whatever object he found.

A towel appeared on his hand and JJ didn’t need more to know what would happen next.

When the gallon recipient came into her line of vision, JJ couldn’t even pretend she didn’t _know_.

“I’ll take her place,” she said between gritted teeth. “Let me take the torture.”

For a long second, Mike didn’t acknowledge her words.

Instead, he walked to the faucet and hummed a mindless tune while filling the bottle. It felt like an eternity until he turned it off again; the sound of running water returning to the steady dripping, and then he walked back to stand between them.

He wasn’t too tall, but from her position; tied to the chair, he seemed to tower over her. His wide shoulders kept her from looking at Emily. He became a wall JJ couldn’t break down when it came to the brunette.

Walking through walls had been easy, their friendship formed naturally; almost with no effort until they found a deeper trust. Getting to know Emily Prentiss; beyond the web of lies and the thousand barriers to preserve her privacy, was like finding the piece JJ never thought she was missing.

“You’re taking the torture too, Agent Jareau. I told you; this wouldn’t be the same without you here. How long did it take you to get over that horrible PTSD? Believe me; I can see those ghosts behind your eyes. There’s no need for me to cover your face. I don’t need to pour water over your head. No, you don’t need to feel it burning your nose and lungs while you struggle to breathe. You don’t need any of that to force the memories back on you. I can create my own masterpiece using Emily, but it wouldn’t be the same if I don’t take this chance to destroy you as well. It’s all about balance.”

Without another word, Mike adjusted the chains to force Emily into her knees. A blow to her ribcage left her breathless for a second and gasping in pain the next. There was no time to prepare; to fully catch on with the situation before her face was covered, and the water poured over her face. Her gasp became a strangled gurgle as she tried to fill her lungs with air instead of water.

Everything felt like a nightmare. At least, that was the case for Jennifer.

Being a simple spectator was way worse than being on Emily’s place. JJ had been there once. She knew the objective of that particular torture method wasn’t to kill. That knowledge offered no comfort; it didn’t lessen the pain or the desperation building rapidly on JJ’s chest.

Her own bindings didn’t budge even as her wrists bled. Mike didn’t stop, no matter how hard she stared at his back; fire on her eyes. Her vision became blurred by tears although none managed to fall. She couldn’t show weakness when Emily needed her to be strong.

“This is your fault, Jennifer.”

Those words made her gasp; a hint of a sob mixing with the sound.

Then, the towel was roughly yanked away giving Emily a chance to breathe. She tried to shake her head, deny his words even as she sputtered water. No matter how dire the situation was or how bad her condition, her first instinct was to help others. Her natural reaction was to take the heaviest load if that would ease other’s worries.

It hurt.

It hurt because there was nothing JJ could say to give her strength. There was nothing she could _do_ to help when Mike covered her face again. While Emily suffered the very physical onslaught, JJ fought harder against the ropes keeping her in place.

If only she could reach out to Emily, touch her one more time, perhaps she could find a way to reassure her. Maybe she would find a way to convince herself this wasn’t the end. If only she could stop Mike, then they could walk away and heal; together.

As it was, JJ was left with angry tears threatening to fall. Only the sting of pride held them back as she glared at the man. They were better than this. _They had to be_. JJ couldn’t and wouldn’t give up just yet.

“How do you think I got to her?” Mike asked as he refilled the gallon bottle. “Apparently, if you don’t answer her calls a few times, she will try to find you. There’s no team then. There’s not FBI to call before acting. Your unit chief is supposed to have a clear head all the time, but I guess she doesn’t think clearly when you’re involved.”

“She’s better than you’ll ever be.”

“Is she?” He replied with a nonchalant shrug. “I mean, I’m not trying to be a good person. I lost that chance a long time ago. But she doesn’t look very impressive right now. The thing I don’t understand is: what makes _you_ so special, Jennifer?”

_What makes you special?_

JJ didn’t know.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading. Feel free to tell me what you think in a comment!
> 
> See you next time.


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